Stilettos for Life – Standing Tall

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“I don’t know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot.” Marilyn Monroe.

I would like to bring to your attention a very dynamic new idea for the treatment of a number of common but very painful ailments suffered by more than 50% of women and many men. More specifically, I am referring to your back, hips, joints and the huge problem we have of obesity.

Revolutionary research by Dr. Maria Cerruto who is a Urologist at the University of Verona, Italy has discovered the many benefits of wearing stiletto shoes. First of all, Dr. Cerruto has found that wearing stilettos reduces pain and improves your health generally. Her research involved measuring electrical activity in the pelvic muscles of 6,000 women under the age of 60. (60 is the new 40, of course). Essentially those who raised their heels 3 1/2 inches showed up to 25% less electrical activity in their pelvic muscles. The electrical activity flow indicates pain level.

As we all know, obesity is a growing problem. No more fighting with diets since the remedy is staring you in the foot. By encouraging women to wear high heels, we will be encouraging them to be aware of their appearance and as a result, they will have a great incentive to loose weight.

Let me refer to the body mass index, which I am sure you are all aware. It is with this brilliant index system that we can be exact about the height of heel that can be worn by you safely. We take your height, weight, social standing, and style of dress. This scientific method will make sure there are no accidents. Problems of weight will be less common as women drop kilos in order to get into those five-inch Choo Shoes

Dr. Cerruto found that: ‘the higher the heel…the more relaxed the muscles’. Heels are also good for your spine because you must walk straight in high heels.

In addition to all the apparent health benefits, stilettos add to your continuing beauty. Not only will you look more elegant but your ankles will stay slimmer, your calves will be firm and slim, and of course your legs look longer. You are less likely to fall because you are more careful when you walk, and if you do fall you will have more time to save yourself as you will be falling from a greater height.

When you are walking with your man, he will feel like a hero as you take his arm for protection and balance. There is evidence of increased testosterone production as a result of this joining of arms with your man.

A unique event in Mexico: the ‘Great Stiletto Race’ took place in Mexico City recently. Participants were given two minutes to run the hundred meter sprint wearing stilettos (from 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 inches…with a glass of champagne in one hand and a tray of tapas in the other hand). Similar runs have also taken place in Amsterdam, Berlin, Stockholm and Moscow, to mention only a few. So there should be no complaints about the limitations of walking or running in stilettos.

The most exciting breakthrough of all: it is generally known that ‘heels affect the pelvic floor activity’, making the pelvic region strong. Heightened sexual pleasure has long been attributed to strong pelvic muscles.

Therefore, the higher the heel and the more often you wear them…the better your sex life will be! For that reason alone, we should all be running out and buying higher stilettos today and wearing them everywhere except…perhaps…in the bath.

We are so convinced of the many benefits of stilettos, and the revenue that will be saved by the various national health organisations throughout Western Europe that we plan to start a campaign immediately for women to ‘get on their tip toes with the help of a new pair of stilettos!’

We have a dream. Our dream is that all national health systems will be in the financial position to give out stilettos at a price that everyone can afford. We hope to start a re-cycling department for stilettos at national health clinics.

Our vision includes the aim that your doctor will prescribe a pair of Gucci sling-backs and you will be able to collect your ‘Guccies’ from your local pharmacy. Imagine. There they will be…sitting on the shelf between the ‘Pain in the Back’ pills and the ‘Keep Me Regular’ pills…just waiting for you.

Let us remember what shoe designer Manolo Blahnik said about his stilettos: “Until my mommy was 87, she was wearing 5-inch heels and she looked wonderful.” He goes on to say that she is his living example that high heels are good for you.

Just remember. When you put on a high heel – your life becomes more exciting and more healthy. Basically we are talking about the answer to preventive medicine, for the entire body. This is a serious contribution to conventional and holistic medicine.

All this excitement and potential is not just for women. Gene Simmons, the front man of glam rock band ‘Kiss’. are famous for their music, and for their huge platform shoes. He states: “When you train your body to walk on these platform heels for hours and carry 30 pounds of guitar and leather, it’s a terrific workout.”

Just think boys: First step is the ‘platform’. Second step is the stiletto. No more backaches. And, a few more inches will always be appreciated by your lady.

So let us all stand tall for ‘Stilettos for Life’.

By Rosalind Scott-Gibb

Humorous Article

write by Charity Hawk

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